blog

I Got the Job

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:10:17 +0100

I got a job at CitiGroup. I'm a student loans collector. I make decent money. $12.21 an hour plus commission. However, I don't want the job anymore. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to leave my baby with some random people. I don't want to leave my daughter a daycare. I say this as a slap her hand for being whiny. lol. Anyway, I don't want to go eight and a half hours a day without seeing her, then another 3 hours while I go to school. It's too fucking depressing. Sure, the money is going to great, but what's really fucked up is I have to pay for mine and her health insurance AND her daycare. I can understand paying for her daycare since it's my choice to go back to work. However, what the hell is up with me paying for healthcare when I'm married to a guy in the military who can get some of the best coverage in the US? If not the best?

Blah. Anyway. I'm irritated, sad and just down. Maybe I'll do a vlog later if I can figure out how to make this camera work on the laplop.

Never Looking Back Again

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:55:53 +0100

    I know that anorexia is a disease that people have because they don't understand how bad it is for you. They don't necessarily choose to have it, and sometimes they don't even realize they have it. But I've been considering diagnosing myself with it. I'm not anorexic right now, but I know that it would help me lose weight. I'm huge, fat, disgusting and ugly. The only way I will ever be beautiful is if I'm thin. I don't want to be gross anymore. I don't want to be the fat friend out of all my other beautiful friends. I'm sick of it.

    Anyway... Obama won!!! I'm so ecstatic! I totally voted Obama and I'm soooo glad that he won the election. It's time for a change, and Obama is the perfect person to start it. I don't care that he's the first black president or that it's changed history, I'm just glad that idiot George Bush is out of the damn picture. Thank fucking God. He's so fucking stupid. Ugh.

    Well, that's all for now.

Another Dollar, Another Day

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 06:05:05 +0100

I'm officially poor. My husband won't give me any money at all and it's super depressing. I can't even afford some diapers for my fucking daughter. What am I to do? God, he's such a douche bag. What kind of a father doesn't give his wife enough money to buy things for their daughter? Fine, starve me, whatever. But when he's bringing out daughter into our petty fights that's when it really starts to piss me the fuck off. Jesus.
Well, I've been job hunting like a crazy person. I need to find something so I can pack up and get the fuck out. Lately I've seen a lot of my friends turn to shit because baby daddies have left, I don't want to be like that. My "new" friend, Jen, has a 5 year old and a husband who's in jail. She's having to raise this child on her own without a car and a real place to live. I mean, sure she has a place to live, if you call the basement of your friend's house a place to leave. On the cold concrete. Seriously. How ridiculously shitty is that? Not to mention, she's paying $400 a month for that. And the mortgage for that piece of shit house is only $800. And 5 other people live there. In the regular part of the house. I do not want to be like that. I want to leave my husband and have an apartment all ready for me with Sheena at the front door.

Wow. I'm going to bed.

I Am [in]Significant

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 05:52:17 +0100

I am [not] kind.
I am [not] a leader.
I am [not] a good wife.
I am [not] smart.
I am [not] thin.
I am [not] organized.
I am [not] calm.
I am [not] abstinent.
I am [not] important.
I am [not] determined.
I am [not] optimistic.
I am [not] focused.
I am [not] beautiful.

But...

I [am] a great mother.